Now that I have the ADD attention of the men here- there ISN"T any way you can win ANY fight with a woman!
For a small fee though, I can help you out of the holes you always seem to want to dig yourselves into.
First off, NEVER fight with a woman. That's what other men are for!Well, yes in 'theory' they are also there to drink beer with and watch football with, but those are the means to make YOU fight!Otherwise you would get along, go shoe shopping and BE girls!
If your woman is mad at you, just accept two obvious, universal laws:
* It's ALWAYS your fault! ESPECIALLY when you don't 'think' it is.
* You DO have to grovel, or she will hold out like forever( especially if she is a redhead, we're 'meaner' than regular girls)
You have to know the difference between 'good grovelling' and 'obsessive stalking.'It's an art.We will teach you.
Never , ever , if she says, " I do not think we should continue!" respond with ' Okay , if that is what you want' if you EVER want to hear from her again!
Her ' I don't think we should continue' in girl speak, means * JERK ALERT * Prove to me QUICKLY why I should bother with you anymore, Numbskull.
Do not make the mistake of thinking you can give her space, respect her wishes or outwait her.
You have exactly the time it takes her to eat a 2 litre tub of Ben and Jerry's Mocha Chocolate ice cream to come running with profuse apologies. Don't miscalculate how quickly a really PISSED OFF girl can eat ice cream! Pig at a trough!
She will remain faithful for as long as Ben and Jerry comfort her, and then it's onto the next guy who is waiting with big shouldrs to cry on AND he WILL always agree with her on what a bastard you are/were!
And don't kid yourself, there are always men like that waiting in the wings. In fact, isn't that how YOU met her? Recall what you said about the last guy, while she cried on your shoulders?
I rest my case!
Men stay married longer by accepting these golden relationship rules and taking their need to ALWAYS be right out on each other.
Road rage.... Drunken brawls......Hooliganism ....get it, yet?
Besides, men who want to argue the point with women or refuse to grovel are deemed to be losers in bed ! Who wants to fight with your man when there are better things to do to pass the time? Although, not with you- if you keep this up, Mister!
Think about it-you'll thank me later.
Damn, I'm almost out of ice cream!
29 comments:
Don’t fight with me, rub my feet, eat my cooch and we will live happily ever after.
Great post!
MsP
I hate fighting with anyone. It's not the hippy way. But I do love ice cream! Especially Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup. Gah, it may be the one thing I would fight for.
Ms. Pud- No thanks, I'm more of an ice creama eater,although I am sure you are delicious.
Pru- Peanut butter cup? We DON'T get that over here!!!!Mail me some?
I was under the impression that a man can win any fight with any woman simply by shoving them down an open elevator shaft.
If you disagree we can fight about it, but I wouldn't recommend it.
I was under the impression that a man can win any fight with any woman simply by shoving them down an open elevator shaft.
If you disagree we can fight about it, but I wouldn't recommend it.
ha! i LOVE this! soooo on point too. you crack me up. i need to email this to a few fellas.
What a load of cobblers.
You wanna go out with a doormat , be my guest.
You wanna fight with the Beast ?your gonna get one missy.
Dont forget , there are always other scheming minx's lurking in the wings for us boys as well.
Now stop sulking and quit hogging the ice cream
***makes piggy oinking noises***
Ok, so now you are Dr Phil of the Bloggershere.
But you forgot one very very important rule.
Although it could have been one of those "I aint never gonna let them know the big one" things.
But I'm going to out you here and now for all MANkind.
Guys, dont try to rationalise with them----you have just made the worst assumption of your life---that an angry woman can be rational.
No no no---take your medicine, admit your faults, do your penance and sometime in the future you may be able to work out what you did wrong
How big is your freezer? Ben & Jerry's production line is on standby for my order.
Muze- clearly 'on point' lookit the 'men' whining like girls!
MM- That is why we have long nails, we latch onto your testicles and any moves like that, you're coming with us!
Beast-Did that get on your tits, Beast? You KNOW I am right!Admit defeat and get your face outta my ice cream.
Clyde-I would expect you to know this. Women make betetr murders and are least likley to get caught cuz thye wait until they are ICE calm. MEN kill in anger and emotion. We eat ice cream, plot and execute properly.
Ha...you are so right. One of my ex-b/fs used to tell me he was on this planet just to make me happy.
Oh, he was good and needed less training than the other b/fs.
You know though...I love sports and shopping. Guys really jump for joy when they see I want to watch and talk football, basketball and baseball.
No babes...guys never win an argument, but I love a guy that puts up a good fight...they seem to have more passion in the sack. woohoo.
Rod- THAT HAD BETTER NOT BE A LIE!
Spiky-I love the way you come in here talking all hetro like that! makes me HOT!Yes, I like to fight with men only if it is going to lead to great sex...or ice cream!
Uber,
Isn't the point of fighting to get to the make up sex? I mean, I heard that. I can't say I have experienced it. Angels don't do that. I AM an angel and you know it. ;D
Oh alright I admit it :-)
UBER! You may get thrown out of the sistahood for this! Stop explaining how it is for the dudes, they're not meant to know!!
Ah, come on Steph
We are far enough behind the eight ball as it is. A little hint from someone of the female persuasion could actually help us to be better.
Na---like we are gonna take directions
I always win my fights with women - I simply give in to you. See - all done. Won! Peace and quiet.
A good spanking on the buttocks is the best way to win a fight with a female. If you do it often enough they start to enjoy it.
Alexys- Of course I know that you are an angel! We 'met' at Angel School , remember? I was the one in perpetual detention. :)
Anonymous- Shell IS sane! She is also a very honest, supportive girl with a HUGE heart who was bullied beyond endurance. Clearly you are one of the disgraceful ones who exploited her turmoil, which drove her to despair.
If you have ANYTHING valid to say, stop hiding like a knock kneed coward. Furthermore, I am not even responsible for what I do, let alone anyone else.
Please also note that this blog theme is all about LOVE, so we won't have any of your negativity here!
Barbie- NO! It's a ploy to make them spill all their secrets to us.
loved your piece on the Stolen Generation! You know I would 'switch teams' for you, just like that!
Clyde- You make me laugh. You have sub written ALL over you, you
softie!Where's your blog???
James- There has to be a bit of fighting or there would be no make up or I-hate-you sex.
Gorilla- so that is where the term'spanking the monkey' comes from!
Maybe I could write advice to women on how to understand men.
Oh, hell, I are one and I cant figure most of them out.
It would all be a lot easier if we could just work on the Fox Terrier theory on life
Oh so this is where I have been going wrong - I always thought that people said stuff they meant...sheesh!
ah... nothing like a good row to get you fired up for the bedroom, my better half and I call it Bedroom Baiting...
Clyde- From what I know of oyu sos far, I htink you would have a very riveting blog and I will keep carping on until I see one. Now explain to me what the terrior fox theory is???
Mutley- Not women. See? My blog has educational merits. Who would have thought?
Mr. Gaskins- 'bedroom baiting' I LOVE it!
Usually for me it is, ME Tarzan, YOU Jane. :)
Oh, sorry.
Fox Terrier theory of life.
Give it a sniff and if you cant eat it or fuck it, piss on it and walk away.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, lol...look, the blogless wonders are all here.
Ya know...take "Anatomy and Physiology for Grown-Ups," class, boys and girls, if you doubt me, here.
In 1992, we discovered women have a larger corpus collusum (and other larger right-left brain connections) than men...which are believed to be responsible for processing information between the two brain hemispheres.
This would make it possible for women to experience logic AND emotion at a faster speed (and precisely the same time), whereas men...cannot.
So they THINK we can't be rational when emotional because THEY can't.
WE think they CAN feel emotion when in logic mode, but THEY can't.
...and therein lies the problem...we expect the other sex to process info and react like we do because we are all that egocentric.
Maybe just accept that we do things differently and perhaps that's a good thing..because we all have good stuff to bring to the table......or the bedroom.;)
Southern Speak- Great info, but are you sugesting my readrship is lEss tha the coolest most hithe p bloggers on the sphere?
I only have the best!
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