Well, it seems that I have to be the HONEST one again and S-P-E-L-L out the truth behind the 'Just tell me you love me and skip the capitalist's chocolates, honey' FALSE sentiments!
Of course we all SAY such loving endearments as that ( and that no, honey size does NOT matter) but WAKE THE FUCK UP!
Size most definitely DOES matter, and NO !!! 4 inches is NOT monstorous in ANYONE'S EYES!
Do we expect flowers , chocolates, expensive gadgets for Valentine's Day?
Of course we DO, you half wit! Do you expect S-E-X after the honeymoon or did you REALLY marry us for our brains and personality?
DUH!
What MEN are unable to wrap their heads around is this concept....
When we say'Oh honey, don't bother with buying me a birthday, Christmas, Mother's day, Valentine's gift" we are just disguising our lil' gold digging hearts because YOU EXPECT us to say such shite ,as we expect you to ignore such requests like you do the rest of the non holiday days when we request you to 'take out the garbage' , 'pick this up' ....'kill that'....
Cottoning on yet,Dilbert?
Two days before Valentine's Day, we are salivating over the chocolate that we can all ready taste melting in our mouths. We are accessorizing our whole wardrobe with that diamond pendant we are expecting, and giddy on the thoughts of champagne, you lunkhead.
Homeade cards that you make with your grotty hands, romantic?
FUCK OFF! Are we in Grade 3?
I HATE the way men walk around FEIGNING they do not GET what women want!!!
Thanks for asking- I shall save you the trouble of THINKING and tell you EXACTLY what women want-
WE WANT:
1/Richer husbands , for one thing!
2/Cash
3/Diamonds
4/Sports cars
5/Expensive, exotic holidays with a sexy man ( while YOU stay home with the kids)
6/YOU to deal with our mothers ,BUT nicely get her off our backs, you insenstive clod.
7/ Chocolates( read:EXPENSIVE but lots)
8/ Flowers( and NOT those wilted fuckers from the petrol station)
9/ Sexy NON Hooker lingerie that actually fits anyone over 14 years old AND makes us look 20 lbs thinner.
Of course we DO, you half wit! Do you expect S-E-X after the honeymoon or did you REALLY marry us for our brains and personality?
DUH!
What MEN are unable to wrap their heads around is this concept....
When we say'Oh honey, don't bother with buying me a birthday, Christmas, Mother's day, Valentine's gift" we are just disguising our lil' gold digging hearts because YOU EXPECT us to say such shite ,as we expect you to ignore such requests like you do the rest of the non holiday days when we request you to 'take out the garbage' , 'pick this up' ....'kill that'....
Cottoning on yet,Dilbert?
Two days before Valentine's Day, we are salivating over the chocolate that we can all ready taste melting in our mouths. We are accessorizing our whole wardrobe with that diamond pendant we are expecting, and giddy on the thoughts of champagne, you lunkhead.
Homeade cards that you make with your grotty hands, romantic?
FUCK OFF! Are we in Grade 3?
I HATE the way men walk around FEIGNING they do not GET what women want!!!
Thanks for asking- I shall save you the trouble of THINKING and tell you EXACTLY what women want-
WE WANT:
1/Richer husbands , for one thing!
2/Cash
3/Diamonds
4/Sports cars
5/Expensive, exotic holidays with a sexy man ( while YOU stay home with the kids)
6/YOU to deal with our mothers ,BUT nicely get her off our backs, you insenstive clod.
7/ Chocolates( read:EXPENSIVE but lots)
8/ Flowers( and NOT those wilted fuckers from the petrol station)
9/ Sexy NON Hooker lingerie that actually fits anyone over 14 years old AND makes us look 20 lbs thinner.
* IT exists- FIND IT!
Is that so much to fathom? Are we THAT complicated? Did you really think that we were so mercenary?
Now remember, IF any girl here says anything along the lines of" That f*&^!!?? Ubermouth is a shallow bitch who does not speak for all women. I don't expect anything honey-you are present enough." She is LYING to make herself look good at an honest girl's, like me, expense. ...as she hoovers down the chocolates without saving you even ONE!
And you know that as soon as you leave we are going to compare notes with ALL of our friends!
And while we are at it, we ALWAYS tell ALL our friends your penis size the MINUTE you fall asleep! INTERNATIONAL FACT!
Wow! With an attitude like that, it's a wonder men flock to me ,isn't it? Which only proves the old adage 'men love bitches', I type from my recently acquired laptop!
So there you have it- What Women Want!
Happy Valentine's day Girls!
Isn't love great???
PS Rod- I can ALL READY taste the Swiss chocolates and hear the tick tocking of the Swiss cuckoo clock that you are bringing me back from Switzerland. :)
I adore you! Thank you! More please!You are a sweetie. Now,pass the jewels.
Is that so much to fathom? Are we THAT complicated? Did you really think that we were so mercenary?
Now remember, IF any girl here says anything along the lines of" That f*&^!!?? Ubermouth is a shallow bitch who does not speak for all women. I don't expect anything honey-you are present enough." She is LYING to make herself look good at an honest girl's, like me, expense. ...as she hoovers down the chocolates without saving you even ONE!
And you know that as soon as you leave we are going to compare notes with ALL of our friends!
And while we are at it, we ALWAYS tell ALL our friends your penis size the MINUTE you fall asleep! INTERNATIONAL FACT!
Wow! With an attitude like that, it's a wonder men flock to me ,isn't it? Which only proves the old adage 'men love bitches', I type from my recently acquired laptop!
So there you have it- What Women Want!
Happy Valentine's day Girls!
Isn't love great???
PS Rod- I can ALL READY taste the Swiss chocolates and hear the tick tocking of the Swiss cuckoo clock that you are bringing me back from Switzerland. :)
I adore you! Thank you! More please!You are a sweetie. Now,pass the jewels.
12 comments:
Ok, I think I've got it now
So yes is no
No is yes
You reserve the right to change your mind at any time.
When you say you love me for my personality, humor and sparkling eyes it is actually my big dick, Audi, beach house and gold card.
Chocolate should never be bought at a supermarket and flowers and small stuffed animals only puchased from some upmarket establishment run by a gay guy named Nigel.
Cards should only have 24carat gold engraving and I should be able to defeat your mother in the best of three falls Greko Roman wrestling match.
But tell me. Should I be able to prepare a five course gourmet dinner while hoovering the house in my leather g string?
I have made leek and potato soup and bread - homemade as well of course... will that do?
Four inches is huge! HUGE, I tell you!!
Thanks for that rant, it about sums things up. If it weren’t for all that materialism, what else would we have to brag to our friends about?
Thanks for that rant, it about sums things up. If it weren’t for all that materialism, what else would we have to brag to our friends about?
Well in this age of equality , what you buying ME....
No present , no sex.....sweetie
uber speaka da truth...take notes...while we may say from time to time that we don't need those things...it doesn't exempt you from getting them all the same...because we do WANT them...see the difference in the wording :)
Clyde, You have been trained so well! You ARE perfect!
Mutts- Sounds great , but I starved to death waiting for your grilled cheese sandwich!
MIGHTY DYCK- Of course it is! For a gnat!
Ms. Pud- Just edumicating the men to make all women's lives better.
Beast- You ARE cruel. THose are words I NEVER wnat to hear!
here, have a Lifesaver. :0
Daisy- Needs and wants are different- you might WANT GUcci boots- I NEED Gucci boots!
Uber,
This is classic. I think you should send it to all men. I can't write any more because the tears of laughter are making my eyes sting.
Well done my friend!
Alexys- Actually YOUR post on Valentine's Day inspired this one!
I guess that you are MY Calliope now!
Ooops. Ms Pud- We are girls- we would find SOMETHING to brag about!
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